Walls are closing in on me!!!

have you ever had that feeling that you feel like your suffocating on life or that it feels like your family is suffocating your.

yeah well i get that a lot.

i live at home, yeah i know what your thinking how can a 29yr live at home with her parents, hmm quite easily i might say, first off i am working so its not that bad but i'm working casual labor hire, so there for i only work when they need me, thats the sucky part, i am looking for work (constantly XP) but no one is hire a 29yr who has the certificates but not the experience.

While i'm studying animation i am also a part-time Barista/Bartender/Cashier/Food Prep
i have the certificates for all but food prep but hey i cook all the food at home (for 3 people, sometime 4 or 5 AND Christmas Dinner) i think i might be able to put a hot dog together or at least know what to cook one.

i have a lovely student loan that i have to pay off (note the sarcasm there) which should be finished sometime next March. YEAH a year to go XP . 2/3 of my centrelink payment goes to the loan, $55 goes to flexirent for my computer, that should finish next year as well june-ish maybe, that leaves me roughly $80 for myself for the rest of the fortnight, thats not including monies i have to pay for bus/train travel, bus is about $5 a week, trains about $40 or so a week.

now your think why can't i use the money from my part-time job for rent, i would love to but i can get anything of up to 150 a week BUT i could end up only work 2 times in a month, when rent i paid weekly of anything from $90 upwards its not that easy

yeah i know this sounds like i'm trying to make excuses but when you have NO money and you want to live by yourself, it doesn't help and i really am looking for work, i have to go to a job placement place each fortnight and hand in jobs that i've applied for (i would still be looking for work even if i didn't have to go there), i even hand out copies of my resume to coffee shops and bars, i apply for jobs that are up to over an hr away from home (as long as i can use public transport cause i got no car) i even tick the Yes i will do late nights and week ends, and then i have to say sorry but i can't make a 4am start cause i live over an hr away and public transports not working then XP which sucks cause that Job sounded really cool - no sarcasm his time :(   

i've applied at the dreaded Golden Arches, KFC, Red Rooster, Hunger Jacks, Pizza Hut, Dominoes, Eagle Boys, i applied to be a check-out-chick, a night selves stuffer. at Starbucks, Gloria Jeans, Zaffara's, BB's, The Coffee Shop, McCafe, VIP Coffee, and any other coffee shop that you could find in the Brisbane/Gold Coast area, i've applied at bars, night club (even in surfers even though mom doesn't want me to work there) i even applied to work at a strip joint and no NOT as a stripper idiot as a Bartenders, Gees Louise, i don't have the required assets lol i go the boobs just not the body :(   

i've applied for food and beverage at hotels, and banquet staff, even housekeeping >.<

i'm even contemplating about trying to get a job at an Adult Shop as a Sale Assistant,  hmmm how do you think that would go for my resume,
Employer: i see here that you worked at an Adult Shop
Me: Ummmm Yes Sir
Employer: . . . .

Thats gonna go great with the reference  lol

so yeah i'm looking for work

Ok so that was totally off topic i was talking about the walls are closing in on me. well at least living with my family makes me feel that, how can you tell your family that you need space, its not that easy, well for me it isn't, i'm a silent sufferer, i keep it all bottled up inside, i don't like talking about myself, yeah i know your saying BULLSHIT at this very moment, but normally i don't say anything, i let other people talk and when i've got something to say i wait until they finish then i say it,

but i never talk about myself because i feel like my life is boring, that i have no defining moment, no worthwhile tale to tell about how i've lived my life, i feel like i haven't done anything in my 29yrs of life, thats why i want to do animation so that when the credits roll by any you see my name there then i can say that i really did something,
not something important mind you, just something to say that i was here and even though it will be at the end of the credits i don't care at least its there.

and thats the other reason why i feel suffocated i have all these dreams of what i want to do but in over a month i'll be 30 and the only thing i've done since high school is study.  i WANT to do something, travel, live life away from here, go over seas, see things, finally watch a Solar Eclipse, a Comet, ANYTHING!!. i don't care if its by myself or with other people, i don't want to live the rest of my life with a list of dreams that was never fulfilled